Wednesday

I didn't really know how to title this post, so I'm just going to tell you how my Wednesday went. This is a long one, but maybe it will give anyone reading this some freaking clue how crazy my life has become.

The point of this is not to sound like I'm complaining. The whole reason I started this blog was so people could follow my progress and see what trying to compete is all about. But also, and probably most important, it is for me to try and keep a "diary" of what I'm going through. So one day when this is all over I can look back on it and say "oh yeah, I remember when all that was so crazy for me". Hopefully I'm laughing when I do so because I've got a freaking trophy next to the computer. :)

3:15: alarm goes off. I've been so sick all week but I missed Tuesday workout so I drag my ass out of bed. I barely make it to the gym by 3:50 or so. It is pouring outside so that is an extra plus on top of being sick.

4:00: Leg workout. I did a few super sets of good mornings followed by one leg curls. Then went to some super sets of deadlifts with one leg lying leg curls. Then did some back extensions. I think this took about 35 minutes or 40 minutes.

4:50: Cardio. 40 minutes of walk a minute, run a minute, sprint a minute. It was tough, I think the total mileage was around 3 miles but I only burned like 270 calories. God, it sucks doing cardio when all you are burning is like meal 3 of the day.

5:30: hit the shower. I got out of the gym by 6:30. Made it to my office by 7:00.

7:00 -4:30. I'll spare you the pain of what I have to deal with at work. Basically drama, complaints, more assignments that will require a miracle to pull off, performance reviews. That sums it up I think. Only good little note was at the end of the day before I walked out the door, a girl came up from behind me on her cell phone and I heard her tell whoever was on the other end "wow, I just was walking behind Misha and didn't even know it was her because of how skinny she is"...it made me smile.

4:30 book it in the rain to my car. Drive 35 miles to the center of Houston. Beat traffic thankfully but I have to deal with 59 South at about 5:15 which is a little stressful. Chugging my meal 4 protein shake and trying to eat half a grapefruit without messing up my beautiful car.

5:30 make it to the one-2-one fitness on Richmond. Rush into the bathroom to change into my bathing suit. Meet Mary (expert in competition prep) and Stephanie (other competitor with a show in 1 week). Head upstairs to the middle of the cardio area to practice posing.

Now, at this point I learn all about what I'm doing wrong posing. But there is a good side to this: a. I'm starting way early on posing practice. Smart move on my part. b. no one is thinking that I can't do this, and from talking to Mary, it looks like I'm in pretty good shape to be going pre-contest. c. Mary says I can work with her more to perfect my posing.

Oh, but now comes the overload part:
I learn that my show is one of the largest in Texas. Oh, and my number will be given to me based on alphabetical order. Which means I'll most likely be last in the lineup. Which is kinda good because I won't have to wait forever off to the side. But kinda bad because I better nail my show to the judges so they don't forget me. Oh and I'll probably be in bad lighting at first when we are all lined up for quarter turns. So I may have to turn my body purposefully so they can see me better. And also, I'll be starving to death at this point. Oh and there will be Flex magazine, Dan Ray, Muscle and Fitness for Hers...all at this show. So you better not mess up because there will be a ton of photos being taken at all times. And if my competition really sucks, then at the evening show they may only have us do one pose to spare the audience and the judges more pain of seeing the pathetic competition again, which means all my friends and family may show up for only a brief glimpse of me on stage.

There was more, but WHOA. Information overload. Anxiety just hit about a level 8.

So at the end of this I talked to Mary some about how crazy this is getting for me and how stressed I am and how I kinda feel alone for the first time....and she tells me (obviously this is paraphrased to the best I can remember) "no one will understand what you are going through. No one. Your friends and family will say you look awesome and you may look like crap in reality for competing. You will feel tortured and everyone will just be thinking how it sucks the diet you are on but no one will really understand what hell you are feeling. But, no matter what happens, all you can do is the very best you can....stick to your diet, work out as hard as you can...so when you get to the show you know no matter what happens you did the very best you possibly could. And no matter what anyone says you know that at the end of the day this is your personal triumph." And I'm like yeah, that is all spot on to how I feel right now...ok, I'm not alone like I feel I am, I just am for most of the time! And then Mary said something else that I thought was very important for me to remember. "You have to have thick skin to do this. You are going to put yourself through some of the worst torture mentally to get to that show. And all for a few minutes on the stage. And then a judge is going to hand you a summary of what you did wrong and tear you to pieces. So just remember that you are doing this for you and you only." So I walked away to my car with my head held high.

8:00: Make it to my car. I have a text message on my phone from my nutritionist. Wants to talk this weekend about how things are going. Again, encouragement.

9:00: Make it home. Walk in the house with a gym bag, cooler of empty food containers, and a backpack containing sparkly stripper heels and a bathing suit. If that's not a competitor's belongings, well I don't know what is.

From 9-10 I make my 6 meals to take to work on Thursday. Andy helps me and I tell him about my day. I break into tears. This is becoming common for me at this point. The most I can compare it to is pregnancy even though I've never been pregnant to really know. My hormones and stress levels are so high that a 19 hour day is pretty rough on me. Especially when I have had the conversation with Mary that I had at the end of the day. So Andy is looking at me like I'm a freak. But at least he helped me cook my food. That was nice because he kept mentioning how shocking it was about what I had to do to make the food and how boring it was. HA! And I explained to him about the whole "kinda being alone" part of this deal and he actually knew where I was coming from. Like at least if I WAS pregnant with all these emotions and stress and scary unknowns and anxiety I could maybe talk to like, oh, 50 women I know about how they survived. But instead I'm just now trying to meet other competitors and I'm not exactly good enough friends to call them up and ask how they are feeling today.

11:00 I think I finally went to bed. Alarm was going to be going off at 4am on Thursday for a back workout so I was exhausted thinking about it....

There really is a very positive end to all of this. I went to bed for the first time in a long while thinking....I don't really even care about cheat meals anymore. Or alcohol. Or not getting to do anything that "fun" with my friends for the next 16 weeks. This is it. This is the contest prep I've been dying to do for the last couple years. I'm in the home stretch. Kinda like when I ran my marathon: Those last 3 miles were a Bitch compared to the first 23. But who is going to turn around at that point? And still to this day, crossing that finish line was more emotional to me than pretty much any other day of my life. So, this finish line....oh yeah, it will absolutely KICK ASS.