Highs, Lows, and Growth

I follow all the latest news in the NPC on facebook. I came across this excellent interview with a girl that is one of the newest winners. I really enjoyed the article because the girl being interviewed seemed so normal and I could really relate to her.

http://www.rxmuscle.com/rxgirl/rx-girl-articles/1855-beth-polisson-qim-not-in-competition-with-anybody-but-myselfq.html

One thing she said that made me think was how the first time competing experience is so rewarding because you grow as a person. And that a lot of growth comes from low points or letdowns. I kept thinking about how this could really be true. I mean, I have definitely had highs and lows. A lot of my lows have been general frustration and worry that I'm really not doing something right and maybe I won't be ready to compete. This turns into stress which gives me anxiety, and I just hate feeling like I can't breathe or I'm going to have a panic attack. These are major mental let downs, but I'm not sure how these have helped me grow during this experience.

And then I think I realized (at least partially) what was really meant by it. Most people would quit this whole process when those let downs come on. I'm having the serious "mental letdowns" and figuring out how to deal with them so that I can continue towards my goal. That is resisting failure and not allowing yourself to quit. This is where the whole correct mental mindset comes into play.

So, last night in an attempt to keep some of my "normal world" life, I went with Andy to Rob and Chandra's. It was like the old times where it was just the Williamsons, Wells', Thomas', and Stevensons. All of us are super busy now with different things going on that it is very very very rare that we should all be able to get together under one roof. I don't know how long it has been since all 8 adults have been together, but I swear it used to be all the time and now this was probably the first time in the last year. I had a great time visiting. And the whole situation made me realize how my diet is so permanently different now. For one, I was the only one not drinking alcohol until 6 month pregnant Apryl showed up. And it never bothered me that I wasn't drinking. Secondly, there was nothing I could have ate had I not brought my own food. Typical. I of course had my own food and was just fine eating it. I sort of missed having my "cheat day" where I could have done whatever, but really it didn't bother me so much.

But more than just being able to deal with the situation, I realized: I would rather be doing what I'm doing than doing what they are all doing.

Whoa.

It surprised myself to have that thought. I no longer feel like I have to get home to go to bed...I want to get home to go to bed. I was not jealous in the least once everyone started getting a buzz from drinking too much. Instead, I was tired and full and wanting my own bed so I could wake up on a quiet Sunday morning.

So, today, I'm reflecting a little on what this all means. And I have to remember what the above interview had said and how it relates to my current life.
1. It is a mental low to realize that you are a bit of a "social outcast" when you used to be party girl central. This causes some identity confusion on your part as well with others wondering who you really are now. It's not like others are mad I'm not joining in, but they definitely can't do anything to make me feel included (like when everyone is drunk in a hot tub and you are just tired and ready to go to sleep)....
2. I've obviously grown from this entire process to realize that my health is one of my core values now in life. My diet is dictated by this value and not altered to fit in with what everyone else is doing.
3. It is a high to realize that my mind is stronger than it ever used to be. A year ago, I would have said "just this one time won't really matter..." and would have forgot my diet and caved. Now, I know that reaching my goal is far more important than any junk food could ever be and I don't even have to worry about feeling tempted. That is mental strength.