Mental Break Down

I had a total melt down last week.

This is what happened. I had the 4 day holiday weekend. I was so good and didn't cheat until Sunday, which was the designated cheat day. Monday was the holiday but for some reason, I was so good all day and then at the very end of the day wanted to drink some beer by the pool. So I did. And I ended up snacking a little extra. Nothing over the top though. But then I didn't get to bed until late and guess what? I didn't go work out on Tuesday morning. So I tried to go for a good 2 mile walk after work and that was ok but I wasn't really getting the cardio I normally would do. So the next morning I woke up like usual and went to the gym, but I was planning on going after work also to my Crossfit class to make up for Tuesday's missed workout. I had all my stuff to go. But then, as the day went on my job was so busy and stressful and there was just no way I was going to be able to leave by 4:30. Well this was frustrating because I was also counting on the crossfit class to get Jonathan to take my body fat. So now I've missed another workout and have no idea how fat I am. And my sister was coming in town for the weekend and I just knew that we were going to eat bad because it was going to be the last weekend of alcohol...so I'm totally pissed off and thinking how can I be this stressed out when I'm not even pre-contest yet? I don't even have to go to the gym twice a day until I'm pre-contest!!! So then thinking that way was making me more upset because I keep thinking how hard the pre-contest dieting must be and how hard it will be to go to the gym twice a day.

Long story short, my dad just called to say hello and I busted out into tears. Anyway, he reminded me that I really am doing this contest to see if I can even compete. All this other pressure is kind of ridiculous. I'm not really trying to win a trophy or anything. So when I thought about it that way, I realized that yeah, it's not like I can't go pre-contest today if I wanted to. So I cooled off and went to bed and was fine by the next day. But I'm telling you, I was so worked up. I think part of the problem is my testosterone kicks in pretty hard now and my hormones are all jacked up. It's just weird.

No offense to any other competitors out there....but it is really really really hard to try to do a contest and have a crazy job. I manage 7 technical people. And it would be one thing if all of them had the same "job role" but they don't. There in 4 different areas completely. And there have been a ton of changes going on at work. So, I'm loaded up at my job. I'm pretty sure most competitors don't have the type of job that I have. I would love to just have a regular 9-5 job with more time to sleep in the morning. Anyway, when this is all over with...if I can actually pull it off....I'm not going to have any compassion for any lady out there trying to bitch to me about how busy they freaking are or how hard it is for them to find time to do something. I have been only getting about 4.5 to 5 hours of sleep each night because of how busy this schedule is. And I haven't even begun to explain to anyone that I will only be at my house one night next week!!!